EMOTION AND SEX 2
Harsh words, perhaps, but how does your partner feel about you? Have you asked her?
The extent to which a man can abandon himself to the joy of sex varies. It depends on the presence or absence of the inhibitions to sex he has acquired during childhood and adolescence. It depends on his acceptance or rejection of the sexual double standard. It depends on his ability to communicate with his partner. It depends on his partner’s sexual inhibitions, and on her ability to communicate with him.
In the final analysis it depends on how the couple perceive sexual pleasure, and on their knowledge that the degree of pleasure can be increased by communicating their needs to each other. Some people obtain great sexual pleasure from ‘fun sex’, that is a sexual encounter between two people who are urgently attracted to each other physically, but who have no deep emotional bond. Others reject this form of sexual pleasuring, claiming that unless the emotions are involved, sexual pleasure is inevitably diminished, and ‘fun sex’ can never equal ‘love sex’. Unfortunately, what some couples believe to be ‘love sex’ is sterile, in reality, and is associated with minimal surrender by one or both partners during the experience. Other couples enjoy group sex, either as a novelty or as a way of sexual life.
The variations of what produces sexual pleasure seem infinite, and until you find out what your partner wants and are comfortable in helping her realize those needs, you will not be a good lover.
If you are able to find out, by asking, what gives your partner the most sexual pleasure and are able to enjoy sharing the experience, you will become a better lover.
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