MALES’ AND FEMALES’ SEXUAL BEHAVIOR ACROSS LIFE
Marriage offers females the opportunity for extensive sexual experience and provides the framework within which sexual responsiveness can develop. This period may be a time during which there is positive reinforcement of sexual functioning and extinction of adolescent inhibitions (Kaplan and Sager). Most evidence suggests that males set the tenor of sexual activity within marriage, especially in the early years. Since they tend to be more active than females, it is reasonable to suppose that in early years much of the marital sexual activity is dictated by the level of the males’ sexual arousal. In later years, married females’ activity levels and married males’ activity levels are fairly close but are lower than the activity of single males (see Verwoerdt), suggesting that in late-middle and old age, the locus of control of marital sexual activity may swing to females. However, the generally lower levels of activity for both men and women may be part of declining male responsiveness.
Compared to earlier years, men in their thirties are less preoccupied with sexual thoughts and fantasies but are still highly responsive to sexual stimuli. In the forties and fifties, sexual expression among males becomes less intense genitally, and men of this age group often require more psychic stimulation for effective sexual functioning (Kaplan and Sager).
Male declines in sexual capacity often result in frustration over ability to perform sexually. This often leads to avoidance of sexual functioning which, in a marriage, can lead to feelings of neglect by the wife. This perceived neglect may be interpreted by the wife as evidence of her waning attractiveness. If this coincides with menopause, it can reinforce the societal stereotype of the menopausal female as unattractive and unfeminine. Negative behavioral changes by the wife then can precipitate negative responses by the husband.
In an effort to reverse age-related changes, frustration also may lead the male to seek out erotic stimuli in the form of new sexual partners. This frustration and fear of failure to perform adequately also may lead to an attempt to recapture the sexual functioning of earlier years. Interestingly, the strong motivation to perform combined with a new partner can result in short-term improvement.
It is not clear whether monotony precedes or follows changes in sexual functioning. Masters and Johnson suggest that monotony in the marital relationship is one of the primary causes of loss of responsiveness in middle-aged men. Many middle-aged males’ familiarity with their wives combined with lack of interest by the wives themselves (as well as generally greater female appearance changes with aging) may lead to waning interest by these men. Often these declines in interest are reinforced by the older female’s negative attitudes towards sex. On the other hand, changes in ability to perform sexually and accompanying decrements in sexual responsiveness may require more erotic stimulation. By definition, the newer the sexual partner is, the more stimulation value is possible.
Although there is no definitive experimental evidence with humans, the cultural stereotype suggests that males are more directed toward variety and novelty than are females. There is some indirect evidence in male/female differences in the sexes versus relationships. These differences are probably tied in part to the fact that men concentrate more on sex, and women emphasize relationships. A very high percentage of male homosexual relationships can be characterized as transitory; these changing attachments presumably reflect a desire for sexual (genital) satisfaction, an important part of which is the new sexual partner. Female homosexual relationships, on the other hand, tend to be more stable and less physical. Heterosexual relationships fall somewhere in between, and sexual monotony as a reason for marital failure is cited much more frequently by males than by females.
If it is true that males are more interested in variety than females are, this difference may have arisen because males traditionally have operated in a more complex and changing environment. Whether this is because of temperamental differences or whether it resulted in temperamental differences is an open question. But if it is true, the double standard has allowed males to experiment sexually with a variety of partners and has imposed severe sanctions on females for similar actions (McCary). It is possible that years of socially approved sexual experimentation among males have cultivated their desire and need for novelty.
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